Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 There is big business to be had in the business of love. Our next guest has built an empire on helping people learn the path to creating and having a successful love life. Whether they are divorced or not, yet found their person, they're lid to their pot. As she says. Bella Gde at the Smart Dating Academy has a road to success that you're gonna wanna listen to and hear, both from a love perspective and how to run an incredibly successful business. Bella, I am so excited to catch up. I have been absolutely dying to spend this time with you. You have to give up me a little bit of context around how you ended up in the field of love, meaning I think I'll w as a consultant. And how did you pick the dating arena and growing Smart Dating Academy?
Speaker 2 00:01:08 So I have a pretty non-traditional background to be doing what I'm doing. So I did finance and m and a, and then ran a manufacturing company with my family, which we then sold. But it dates back to college where I started having these matchmaking instincts. So I said to my roommate, let's go out tonight. And then we saw a guy across the room and I was like, I like that guy for you. So I went up to him and talked to him and I said, I think you're gonna marry my roommate. And he was like, my girlfriend's right over there. So it was an awkward moment. And he's like, who says that five years later they went on their first date. They are now married, they live in Glenview, they have three kids. I did that again and again and again. And every time I stood up in a wedding, they're like, Bella was my dating Oracle, my Yoda for my dating life. And so once we sold the manufacturing company, everybody that knew me knew that this was what I really wanted to do, what my superpower was, they encouraged me to do it. And that's how I started Smart Dating Academy in 2009.
Speaker 0 00:02:12 What a cool story, because I think you just mentioned something that so many people like look past that you can take your superpower, which, you know, under the guise of, you know, matchmaking doesn't sound like something that would turn into be this wonderful empire that it has. You've obviously though applied so much of your passion, but your business background, you know, I think that sometimes you see people with a passion that start a micro business and they, it's very small, it sustains them, it gives 'em a job. But you've really scaled this. What do you think was the real turning point that allowed you to say, Hey, rather than going, you know, kind of one-to-one to one and giving your consulting advice and doing the work you do, how did you know and think of the scaling bit of your business, which I'm so fascinated with.
Speaker 2 00:02:58 Well, it's interesting. I never really had, coming out of a sale of a company, I thought, you know, I think I just want to do this by myself. Right? And so for
Speaker 0 00:03:11 No employees, no employees, no payroll. No payroll by myself, what business is that? Wanna
Speaker 2 00:03:16 Do what I love? Yeah. And so truth be told, that's how I started. And then three years in, I'm like, wow. Somebody approached me and said, I saw you on a show. I would love to work for you. And I thought, oh no, I don't want anybody to work for me. And then of course I talked myself into it, and that led to our first person, our second person, our third person. So our primary business at Smart Dating Academy has been since the get-go, one-on-one high end, very kind of, we have a process which is like a conveyor belt to get people themselves ready on the inside and the outside to find love and then to pick the right people along the way. We developed this process that during C O V I D, when the world shut down and you would think dating would shut down, dating went bananas because people were sitting in their homes, they had nothing to do. So I thought, okay, our clients can't meet each other one-on-one for dates, but why don't we leverage this new Zoom thing, this new video thing, and take our curriculum and start to parse it out into different topics, into workshops. So that was a serendipitous moment. It was covid I zoom, having the content and then knowing how to market it.
Speaker 0 00:04:39 Now with all the apps and ways that people can find their love these days, you are the Cadillac, the Royce of, you know, the echelon of options. You know, you have free all of the, you know, tinders and all the different apps all the way to Smart Dating Academy. How price sensitive are your customers when they come to you? Um, and they learn that this investment is a big investment.
Speaker 2 00:05:09 You know, the price tag can always scare some people. I tell people it's never about the money. If you want something and you wanna invest in yourself, you will figure out the finances to it. Right now, there are people that really want the help and can't afford it, which is why we do the Smart Dating Academy podcast. We post a ton of content online, so we try to have something for everybody at this point.
Speaker 0 00:05:37 Oh, that's awesome. I mean, that just, that's just a testament to who you are, that that is great that you really see that. Um, some people may not have the resources to do the full, um, full Monty so to speak. But, um, so going though back, you know, is it that, do you think it's like, go through your, um, process? I like the conveyor belt, that that is a business mind at work step and repeat, rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
Speaker 2 00:06:04 Step one, step two, step three, step four. Right. And people ask me all the time, well, what if I'm gay? What if I'm bi? What if I'm, you know, any ethnic diaspora? I'm like, it doesn't matter. Love is love. The process is the same. You might check a different box, you might be on a different app, but the process does not deviate.
Speaker 0 00:06:23 That's incredible. So what happens? They go through it. I mean, have you seen, obviously you have tons of success stories, but if people follow along, is it the reality they're just showing up in a way that's more confident, so they're picking better pickers as you like to say, and that is the answer? Or what do you think the real root thing that you know, gets fixed in this process?
Speaker 2 00:06:47 I think it's two things. I think so many people have trauma from family of origin stuff, right? We're never taught how to date. If you think about it, it's the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. The lid to your pot, the person you marry. I have a poster in my office that's called the 21 Suggestions for Success that my dad, who's an entrepreneur, used to have in our family room. Rule number one for success, marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or 90% of your misery. Right? Right.
Speaker 0 00:07:24 Boom, mic drop,
Speaker 2 00:07:26 Mic drop. So picking that person, so much of it is we're not taught how to do that, even though it's the number one decision, right? Yeah. And so we model what we saw at home. We can have arrested development and continue to wanna date the bad boy from high school. So what you have to really do is think about two things. Do you have dating patterns? Have you been choosing the wrong people? People will tell me, I attract the wrong people. I'm like, you're accepting the wrong people. And we don't even know it because the wrong people can feel right because of our own nervous systems. So what we do is help bring light and shine light on those things that they shouldn't be doing based on who they wanna be with and how they wanna feel. And so it's an inside job, and some of it's a fun outside job too.
Speaker 2 00:08:17 You've gotta have great photos to be on the apps. What's gonna look best on you? So as you start to sort of just yourself inside and out, it builds your confidence. And what happens when you build confidence, you dissipate fear. Anything we do from a place of fear leads to a bad decision. Hmm. So what we do is then we wrap our clients. I always say, we're gonna wrap you in pink sparkly bubble wrap so that you don't get dinged up during the process. So while we're on our journey to climb the mountain to find love the lid to your pot, we're gonna keep you protected and safe along the way.
Speaker 0 00:08:53 So are all your clients women? Is that that why it's
Speaker 2 00:08:55 No, I just take pink sparkly bubble wrap even for dudes. Okay. Right. And they kind of like that. They're like, sounds kind of fun. Okay. So, yeah. Sounds fun. So we have men and women.
Speaker 0 00:09:04 You as a personal brand have really gotten so much attention and, um, recognition as the expert in this field. Tell us about your sort of PR journey.
Speaker 2 00:09:16 Wow. It, I would say, if there's a word for our PR journey, it's serendipitous, fortuitous, accidental, whatever, whatever you wanna call it. You know, the, the story is, in 2010, I got a form that came into our website that said, hi, I am a producer from W G N TV and we're, we'd like to set up a match or we'd like to set up one of our producers on seven dates in seven days. So could you do that for us? And I first thought, is this my brother playing a joke on me? Like, why would anybody from W G N T V wanna talk to me? So I called the producer and she said, this is what we're trying to do. Can you do this? I said, I'm not a matchmaker, but what I could do is if you find a matchmaker to give your producer seven dates, I can talk to her and I can talk to each of the seven guys.
Speaker 2 00:10:10 I look at data, what, did they wanna go out with her again, yes or no? If it was a yes, why? If it was a no, why? I'm like, this is what we do. We do 360 feedbacks and we get village surveys. Our clients will send out an email to everybody in their network telling them, can you message my dating coach as to why you think I still haven't found the right partner yet? So she's like, really cool idea. No, but stay in touch with me. And I thought, okay. Three days later she called me back and said, Hey listen, I bounced your idea around our newsroom. They like it. You have three days to do your thing. Meet with this producer, find her village of people and live on W G N. You're gonna talk about with her, with Robin Baumgarten, why she's still single and what she needs to do. I was like, well, I'm not a TV person, I can't do that. And my husband's like, say yes to it. And so that's how it started. And one thing led to the next, led to the next local led to national. And that's really, it's like it went from W G N TV to the Chicago Tribune, to Steve Harvey, to G M A to the Today Show. So that's the story. It was completely accidental and unplanned.
Speaker 0 00:11:26 And what do you think that press like that does for our business?
Speaker 2 00:11:30 It does a couple of things. You know, people think it's gonna produce a line of people around the block that wanna work with you. That's not exactly true. But what it does do is it gets your message out to a lot more people that might wanna hear it. They might get that tidbit that can change their lives, which is great. But what it also does is it builds your credibility, especially when you're a new, new business, which I was in 2010, suddenly it was, wow, if you're on TV or you're on the radio, you must know what you're talking about.
Speaker 0 00:12:02 Perfect. Yeah. I think it's just good for people to hear that. I mean, what I take away from that is saying yes, say
Speaker 2 00:12:08 Yes. Even get out of your comfort zone. Yeah. If you are scared of something, remember courage favors the bold. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:12:15 Yep,
Speaker 2 00:12:16 Yep. Right? Yep. Do it. I had public speaking phobia would literally have panic attacks, didn't like to like raise my hand in a conference room for many years. So now that journey in and of itself, the first Yes. Led to the second. Yes. Even though you feel like you're gonna throw up, you've got butterflies. But the more you do something, the more confident you become. Is it ever super easy? Do you just sachet in and say, Hey, yeah, I can just get on and be completely unscripted? No, and it's okay to be a little nervous, but say yes.
Speaker 0 00:12:50 Say yes.
Speaker 2 00:12:51 Say yes.
Speaker 0 00:12:52 It is the absolute thing that it's, that's the sign of opportunity when we're nervous.
Speaker 2 00:12:57 You're exactly right. If it stretches you a little bit, you figure it out. And I know you get that. Yeah. Because I know you've done that a hundred thousand times.
Speaker 0 00:13:06 Figure it out later. We're just out. We're saying yes now.
Speaker 2 00:13:09 Right? Jump first. Build the shoot on the way down. <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:13:13 I like it. So Bella, I mean, these clients have so many choices. How do you keep, and how have you continued to grow the business? What does it look like, uh, to grow this kind of business?
Speaker 2 00:13:23 Like any business, there's no layups. It's not easy on a day-to-day basis. When you're coaching somebody, as you know, having gone through coaching, you're not giving somebody a frame, you're not giving them a pillow. You're saying this process that you're gonna invest in is going to be a personal transformation. So sometimes that's hard for people to get their arms run. Yeah. But I tell them this is like investing in school, right? You're gonna invest in yourself, invest in knowledge, and nobody can take that away from you. It's not an easy business to scale. But when you have good clients, referrals are a huge way for us. Sure. One happy person leads to five more people, leads to 25 more people. So I think that that's been a really good way to scale. And then just having things that are lower down on the price change where pri on the product change ladder where people can really kick the tires and say, okay, is this for me if I dip my toe in?
Speaker 2 00:14:26 I never thought that Courtney, when we started doing Yeah. These workshops, we call them love labs during C O v I thought there's workshop people. Yeah. And then there's one-on-one high-end coaching people completely wrong. Hmm. 50% of our workshop people that came in at one 10th or one 20th of the price point became one-on-one clients after a workshop. I was floored. And me data nerd when that happened the first time when we did the workshop, I was like, wow, 40% of people came into our one-on-one practice. That's an end of one. I need to do this again. And the same thing happened and then the same thing happened. So, so
Speaker 0 00:15:05 Kind of try it before you buy it really in a, in this sort of, um, consulting where there's probably a lot of fear attached to it. Take money aside, fear. What if I get in and she doesn't do anything? What if I am not the person that works on the process? What if, you know, this is just a waste of my time. This little step into the pond allows people to, you know, learn something, feel a little better, get a glimmer of hope, and then take the big bullet.
Speaker 2 00:15:32 Yeah. I think interesting people, I think for this process, dating is something that's so vulnerable for people. Yeah. Even if they've been total rock stars and bad asses and built companies or they've had successful careers, the heart is a totally different matter for people. For sure. And so I think the workshop also allows people to go, wow, what is the ethos of this company? Is this process going to make me feel bad about myself?
Speaker 0 00:15:58 Hmm. Interesting. Right?
Speaker 2 00:15:59 And so I think when they come in and they see, okay, there is a process, and this is optimistic. Our clients call us the psychotic optimist. Right? Yeah. Love is gonna come to you. It's a when not an if. It doesn't matter where you are as long as you want this, it can happen. So I think you're right. Having that glimmer of hope and knowing that there's people that are gonna lovingly support you is a really big game changer.
Speaker 0 00:16:23 Okay. So, uh, you're the number one shareholder. You own this all yourself and um, you look to your husband or another board of advisor and say, okay, we're gonna grow this thing. We're gonna double this thing in three years. What do you do?
Speaker 2 00:16:36 That's what we're talking about right now. So the question is, do we build an app that helps people with coaching on the spot? Do we continue to build more groups? Do we think about going into corporate? Can you imagine dating in a smart, healthy way really should fall under wellness? Can you imagine 48% of Americans are unmarried and single in this country? If they had a process sponsored by their employer, imagine what the workplace could look like. Wow. Imagine 48%, 48%. How much happier people would be than going on terrible dates. Yeah. Getting their hearts broken, coming into work after being out till 3:00 AM trying to meet people versus if there was a conveyor belt, what office culture could look like. How many more employees you could keep on board
Speaker 0 00:17:32 On top. I mean, and then just think about the economics of being married. How people's lives are, you know, obviously love and all that, but it's cheaper to be a married couple than it is to be single. You think about 48% of the world in the inflationary time we're in living alone expenses a loan that becomes the employer's problem. I mean, it has an absolute huge magnitude. If that could, if you could sell that into corporate and now you're on a whole different trajectory, 'cause your referral base is, is one to many all day long. They're referring dozens of people, not singles.
Speaker 2 00:18:06 Right. And think about, to your point, the cost of divorce. Yeah. Which is massive economically. There's so much collateral damage when you think about when you learn from the get go to pick the right partner for you, you potentially change the trajectory for generations in your family. Exactly. Right. Our parents did to us what was done to them. And that trauma travels on down the line. So if you pick a really good partner for you and the lid to your pot, imagine what your kids' lives will be like. Exactly what they see at home. That's what they're gonna do to their kids. So I tell this to single moms and single dads, you investing in yourself is going to change the trajectory of your family. You have no idea how significant this is going to be for you.
Speaker 0 00:18:55 So Bella, in my business, when something breaks or something's not working in the business, we can pivot. We pivot people, we pivot process, we pivot materials and, and usually get back on track. Talk to me about a pivot in your world.
Speaker 2 00:19:08 So sometimes dating for our clients can pull off a bandaid and unearth things that we didn't even realize. More importantly, our client didn't realize how much that little T trauma or big T trauma is still in their bodies. And they talk to people on the phone and they're like, oh my God, I'm so nervous that this person is going to come outside my house and stare into my windows. I'm like, where is that coming from? <laugh>, right? And so at that point, one of the pivots that we'll have to make, we're like, let's pause the process and maybe you need to talk about the therapist that we have that can take you through E M D R when you have complex P T S D due to trauma. So sometimes there are people that think that they're ready for the conveyor belt. They've told us we get on the conveyor belt, then we have to stop and put them on a different conveyor belt, which comes back to us at a certain point.
Speaker 0 00:20:06 So are you the, the one of the head coaches that does the work besides be the c e o of your business?
Speaker 2 00:20:13 Yes. I work with clients that come in with us at our 12 month level. Okay. So, but I have a team that works with people that do shorter term things. So I'm, while I may not, I'm not the main coach, I'm still involved with everybody. I'm looking over everybody's process, which I still love. It's my superpower, making sure things are on track. But yes, I'm still involved in the coaching, especially at the one year level.
Speaker 0 00:20:38 And I heard that and I was just wondering what level of rockstar did you need to be to sort of get to, to you, to you having hands on. So you're hands on in your business and they can get a 12 month subscription and then have you as their coach
Speaker 2 00:20:51 And have me as well as someone else from my team. Okay. So it's like our highest level of coverage and that's where 95% of our clients are because they realize, look, dating, this is not a marathon. When people wanna do marathon training, they'll train for eight months, they'll start in March and the marathon's in October. And for finding love, I'm like, there's no love in 90 days. Right. Just because you sign up for a year. Yeah. Right. It, it doesn't mean anything except you're not going to get burned during the process because we're gonna put the guardrails around you. It might take you six months, it might take you six years, it doesn't matter. But dating is, we say it's not even a marathon. It's like the Iron Man. You don't know, right? Because phase one is having a dating funnel, starting to bring in good, healthy people into your dating funnel, dating them well.
Speaker 2 00:21:43 So you're getting the second date and the 10th date, then narrowing it down to your top three and then your top one person. And that then when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a partner, once we, you know, we have a 15 date rule, nobody gets exclusive until then. So now let's say you've hit that this person has earned you, they've earned us. Then you go into phase two of dating, which is really, as you know, as a married person, the important part. How do you mesh together as a couple? How do you navigate conflict together? Are your values aligned? Do you want the same thing? Do you want a big career? Does he have a big career? Are you both okay with that? Are you going to share the domestic part of life? How are you gonna navigate that? That's really where the big conversations start to happen. So dating doesn't end when you find a person you've got, I always say, I want a four season outlook on this person. Once you're in a relationship with them, let's go through four seasons and make sure we're having guided conversations to make sure, sure, sure. This is not a wolf in sheep's clothing and you're not dating the representative that this is the real person.
Speaker 0 00:22:50 Yep. Uh, you know, that was great. Um, your business brain is so just part of who you are. You basically just described how to also, um, land a whale client. You described the funnel you describe vetting them down to the two to three, you disguise, you know, putting all your resources and your company's effort into the whale and then moving on to how we're gonna serve them. I mean, I was sitting there just thinking it's just so part of what you do that I don't even think you're aware that that is why you're naturally such a builder is every single answer is a process which works in business too. So congrats to you because you've taken your passion, but you've made it successful and there's absolutely no shame in that, that you've made it super successful because you're just naturally so inclined. So thanks for that, that description. That really helped a lot.
Speaker 2 00:23:43 Oh, thank you. And it's also, to your point, you can get the whale, but what's also important as you and I know in I come from manufacturing as well, is having a diversified base of clients. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, right? And so I tell my clients, when we build your funnel, we're going to diversify your dating assets. Yeah. Right? Because even if one looks amazing, like it might be your whale, the lid to your pot in the beginning, we all know that might not be the case four to six weeks out. So you wanna have multiple irons in the fire so that you don't do two things. Number one, you don't settle with somebody too quickly, which makes you do what? Ignore red flags. Flags,
Speaker 0 00:24:21 Ignore red flags. Yep.
Speaker 2 00:24:22 Right? So if you've got a diversified base, you're way more likely to compare contrast in the right way to make sure, is this person or is this client good for me as well? That's
Speaker 0 00:24:33 Right. We
Speaker 2 00:24:34 Teach people how to become their own matchmakers. Right? And, and we have clients that come in from high-end matchmakers, right? They've paid six figures,
Speaker 0 00:24:43 Six figures, and they still get nobody. And
Speaker 2 00:24:45 They still, I'm like, who's gonna be a better matchmaker for you than you when you know how to do this? Right? When you know how to vet, you're gonna be able to say, okay, here's how I'm gonna spend 30 minutes today on the apps and I know what I'm looking for. And more importantly, building your
Speaker 0 00:25:02 Pipeline.
Speaker 2 00:25:02 I know who
Speaker 0 00:25:02 I am, building your sales pipeline, like building
Speaker 2 00:25:04 Your sales pipeline and how do I wanna feel on this date? So I think date coaching is so much more effective than matchmaking. At the end of the day, what are dating apps? They're automated matchmakers, right? You get online, you're gonna swipe right on someone that looks good for you, but Tinder has served that person up to you. Yeah. Right? And so
Speaker 0 00:25:27 AI,
Speaker 2 00:25:28 From, from my vantage point where you want guardrails around you is for someone to say that's a good fit for you. Or, uh, I think he's just like your ex. Let's stay away from that. Throw that one back to the pond. Because again, sometimes we're so in deep, people tend to do what's comfortable versus what's right for them. All the knowledge in the world. Right. But when we get into the arena, it's the execution that matters.
Speaker 0 00:25:57 Yeah. I mean, look, people do what stays comfortable. They keep their businesses small. Execution is what matters. They have lots of ideas, but they can't execute on any, you know, they go in really hard for one customer and they think they're success instead of diversifying their customer base. Yes. There's so many parallels to this with a well run business. It is no different than building a sales funnel or a sales pipeline of opportunities. You're teaching people how to create opportunities.
Speaker 2 00:26:27 That's so funny. You're one of our clients. Sometimes you're like going to Harvard, but for dating, right? Because there's a methodology to doing this. Whereas in, in our culture, what are we taught? We're taught there's a three date rule. No there's not. We're taught butterflies while you're dating, that's what you should feel. No butterflies. Your fear and anxiety we're taught Stop looking so hard when it's your time, that person's gonna drop into your lap. When would anybody ever give you that advice? If they, if you wanted to build another business, would somebody tell you, Courtney, just sit around and do nothing and it's just gonna fall into your lap? Customer will show up. Yeah. They're just gonna show up. No, they'd be like, okay, sit down. What are your goals? Do you have a plan? But in dating, we're taught the exact opposite of that. So yes, everything you're saying is exactly right. In order to be successful anywhere, you have to have a goal, know where you're going and have a plan. And dating is no different than that.
Speaker 0 00:27:25 Okay. Bella, since we're a podcast for entrepreneurs, I just have to ask, would there be anything different about having a client that's a high powered entrepreneur versus another type of business person?
Speaker 2 00:27:38 You know, I think so many entrepreneurs, we get doctors, lawyers, you know, a lot of people that are all very busy. But I tell them, busy people get stuff done. So you've got 16 waking hours in your day. I need 30 minutes. You've got 32, 30 minute increments in your day. You can do this. Put 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes in the evening. Right? Get off of Facebook for 30 minutes and do this. So sometimes people don't like hearing it in that way, but I'm like, this is how you have to think about it. You do have the time. The question is, do you want to make the time to do this? And to your point, when it's a priority and when it's something you want, you will get it done. You'll make the time. It's like what I tell my clients in dating, if they've been dating someone for six weeks and suddenly that person's behavior changes, like, oh, I'm working on a big deal. Oh, I'm really sorry. I'm gonna be in the office for 18 hours a day. I am like, that person may not be that into you at this point. Something has changed. You're a busy person. I'm a busy person. Do you find time every day to do the things you wanna do? Absolutely. Freaking lly. Yes. That's it. And people don't wanna hear that.
Speaker 0 00:28:56 Bella, this was so fascinating. I appreciate just the lens that you take on bringing happiness to the world and helping people who, you know, may need a process to get where they're going. Um, kudos to you though, for doing it in a way where you have your passion and the purpose along with very successful results, which is very awe-inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 00:29:20 Thank you. And I'm so grateful to be here. And you're the ultimate lady boss.
